The noted economist Hillary Clinton had it right, back in 2007, when she said, “The other day the oil companies reported the highest profits in the history of the world. I want to take those profits, and I want to put them in a strategic energy fund, that will begin to fund alternative smart energy alternatives and technologies that will begin to actually move us towards the direction of independence.”
Right on, Sister! All power to the State!
Bugger those oil companies, with their fancy “exploration” and their offshore platforms (not off OUR shores, thank Congress). They make too much money. If we take it all away from them, we can… well, we can do something with it, that’s for sure. Maybe we’ll do like Hillary said, and begin to start to do something to maybe kind of move us in a certain sort of direction.
We’ll “take those profits,” and those oil company creeps will just have to keep drilling for more (only not around here, or course; not around here); and if they make more profits, we’ll be right there to punch them in their capitalist faces and take their profits again, and send them back to bring us more oil. And they’ll do it, too, and keep doing it, because… because we’ll pass a law!
“Henceforth, everybody in the oil business will keep pumping oil—with certain restrictions—and refining oil—with certain restrictions—and despite those restrictions they will simultaneously make the price of oil come down somehow; and if they make any profits, they will hand them over. And furthermore, they will continue to produce more oil. Somehow.”
We need alternatives and technologies, like Hillary said. And the only way to do that is to have government take charge. We sure can’t expect the so-called “private sector” to do it. When is the last time you heard of some “entrepreneur” inventing some kind of alternative to anything? Or some “private industry” types developing a new technology?
We need government action! Especially now, with oil prices so much higher than ever before. Coal? Too dirty. Nuclear power? Too scary. Wind farms off the coast of Nantucket? Forget about it.
No, those oil companies are going to have to keep pumping oil, and selling it cheap. And all they need to do is observe the following very few, extremely reasonable restrictions already in place:
We also propose that we:
Right on, Sister! All power to the State!
Bugger those oil companies, with their fancy “exploration” and their offshore platforms (not off OUR shores, thank Congress). They make too much money. If we take it all away from them, we can… well, we can do something with it, that’s for sure. Maybe we’ll do like Hillary said, and begin to start to do something to maybe kind of move us in a certain sort of direction.
We’ll “take those profits,” and those oil company creeps will just have to keep drilling for more (only not around here, or course; not around here); and if they make more profits, we’ll be right there to punch them in their capitalist faces and take their profits again, and send them back to bring us more oil. And they’ll do it, too, and keep doing it, because… because we’ll pass a law!
“Henceforth, everybody in the oil business will keep pumping oil—with certain restrictions—and refining oil—with certain restrictions—and despite those restrictions they will simultaneously make the price of oil come down somehow; and if they make any profits, they will hand them over. And furthermore, they will continue to produce more oil. Somehow.”
We need alternatives and technologies, like Hillary said. And the only way to do that is to have government take charge. We sure can’t expect the so-called “private sector” to do it. When is the last time you heard of some “entrepreneur” inventing some kind of alternative to anything? Or some “private industry” types developing a new technology?
We need government action! Especially now, with oil prices so much higher than ever before. Coal? Too dirty. Nuclear power? Too scary. Wind farms off the coast of Nantucket? Forget about it.
No, those oil companies are going to have to keep pumping oil, and selling it cheap. And all they need to do is observe the following very few, extremely reasonable restrictions already in place:
- No drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
- No exploring for oil in the Pacific Ocean.
- No exploring for oil in the Atlantic Ocean.
- No more drilling (enough, already) in the Gulf of Mexico.
- None of that icky oil shale business.
- No more building refineries or fixing up old ones.
- No drilling anywhere in the good old U.S.A. except where they are already drilling—and we might decide they should stop drilling in those places, too.
- No drilling anywhere else around here, either. Let the Chinese do it.
We also propose that we:
- Tax “windfall profits” on oil companies. It worked like a charm in the 1970’s. (Ok, maybe it didn’t; but there is no reason to think that doing exactly the same thing again won’t work now.)
- Prosecute the oil company executives for “price gouging” just as soon as we figure out what that really means.
- Carry on the same policies we have had for the last few decades, which WOULD have resulted in lower prices and nicer alternatives by now if those oil company guys weren’t such rapacious bastards.
- Drag the oil company CEO’s in front of congressional committees and read them the riot act. (Actually, we've done that already, but let’s do it again and be REALLY MEAN this time.
- Go ask the Saudis to pump more oil, and sell it to us cheaper. (Actually, we've done that already, too, but let’s do it again and ask REALLY NICE this time.)
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