Monday, June 14, 2010

Unfreedom Tower at Ground Zero

Just for fun, let’s assume a really fanciful, almost unimaginable set of circumstances - a real screwball fantasy:

Let’s say that a group of religion-drunk psychopaths with dreams of paradise fly a pair of commercial aircraft full of screaming passengers into the twin towers of the World Trade Center in New York City on, say, September 11th, 2001. Let’s suppose they kill, oh, thousands of people.

Naturally, it could never happen. No group of people is that deluded, that self-destructive, that murderous. No religion would sanction - and sanctify - such a thing. But play along with me.

And let’s say that a few years down the road, a group of their co-religionists, led by a fellow who has opined in the past that the events of that date were not orchestrated by his peers, but by 1) the Jews, 2) the U.S. government, 3) unknown but definitely NON-Muslim parties, or 4) some combination of the above - let’s say that this group wants to build a massive “Islamic learning center” and mosque as close as possible to the two holes in the ground that are the footprints of those towers.

Of course, nobody would stand for that. The city council would vote him down. The public would run him out of the city. But let’s just pretend.

Let’s pretend that this fellow gets, say, $100 million in financing to build the thing (from undisclosed sources); that he plans to open it on the 10th anniversary of the events of September 11, 2001 (no symbolism there); and that - hold onto your seat - he wants to call this abomination “Cordoba House.”

Now, we know that something like this could never happen. Because we are reminded that Cordoba (Cordova) is the city where Muslims built their first huge mosque at the beginning of their conquest of Spain.

We are reminded that wherever Muslim warriors have conquered others, they have built gigantic mosques to demonstrate their conquest of, and superiority to, the conquered. And they’ve built them as close as possible to the conquered peoples’ sacred ground - often right on top of it.

The building hovering over Ground Zero would be a triumphalist mosque that would say, “We’ve made our mark in America - right here. We are conquering the land of the infidels. America is weak, and on her last legs. We’ll have the whole country groveling at our feet soon. This triumphal building is a symbol of our strength, and of the ongoing subjugation of America.”

Of course none of this could ever happen.

The only way to imagine it would be to first imagine a group of people who maintain and indeed nurture a hair-trigger sensitivity to the slightest inkling of a provocation, while expecting us to remain unprovoked; who tolerate nothing, yet expect us to tolerate this.

And we would have to imagine the local government and citizens of New York too numb and too feeble to be offended even by this outrage; too hobbled by political correctness and multiculturalist claptrap to object to even this: an Islamic victory tower standing in the bone dust of Ground Zero, celebrating the religious philosophy that turned that place into both mass grave and sacred ground.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Newsflash: Volcano Causes Cow Flatulence

A source tells me that the Icelandic volcano eruption that has been spewing ash and inconvenience all over Europe lately has negated every single effort we have made over the last half a decade to control the dreaded CO2 emissions that are CHOKING OUR PLANET and DESTROYING MOTHER EARTH and causing Al Gore to go all red in the face.


Can this be? Years of effort to recycle everything and waste nothing - and all we get is the short end of the enviro-stick?


I need another source on this story. Who could believe a volcano, one of Mother Nature’s special wonders, would turn on us like this? After all, volcanoes are part of nature, and nature is always natural, and everything natural is good. I’m guessing that volcano carbon is the GOOD carbon, and stuff like cow flatulence is the BAD carbon! But wait, cows are part of nature, too, so...


Ok, maybe volcanoes and cow flatulence are the GOOD carbon, and bike riding on the interstate instead of driving is bad, and... no, wait, bike riding is GOOD... So it's volcanoes and cow flatulence and bike riding that are good, and flying around on airplanes that is bad.


...Unless you fly around on airplanes going to climate change conferences where you listen to speeches about how to protect the world from people who fly around on airplanes for other reasons - selfish reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with SAVING THE PLANET.


Now we're getting somewhere. So volcanoes and cow flatulence and bike riding and flying for the RIGHT REASONS are good. Everything else is bad.


...Except for hurricanes and tornadoes and earthquakes and tsunamis, which can’t be bad because they are also natural - just more fine examples of Mother Nature’s wondrous bounty of delightful surprises.


So volcanoes and hurricanes and tornadoes and earthquakes and tsunamis and cow flatulence and bike riding and flying for the RIGHT REASONS are good.


...Unless the volcanoes and hurricanes and tornadoes and earthquakes and tsunamis are somehow caused by global warming, which has absolutely nothing to do with nature, and everything to do with humans driving around in SUVs.


So volcanoes and hurricanes and tornadoes and earthquakes and tsunamis and cow flatulence and bike riding and flying for the RIGHT REASONS are good, UNLESS some of those things are caused by global warming, which is all our fault and not a part of nature at all.


Everything else is bad, and makes more of the bad carbon, which kills plants and... but wait... plants live on carbon, and turn the planet green, and green is natural and therefore good (besides being everybody’s favorite color), and so carbon must be...


Ok, how about this: maybe the GOOD carbon makes the plants grow, and the cows eat the plants and emit the good flatulence, and then the right-thinking people eat the cows, which gives them the strength to ride their bicycles on the interstate and fly around on airplanes saving the world from other people who don't eat cows or ride bicycles...


This is very confusing.